I nearly completely lost it yesterday.
I guess the poem would sum it up.. Just something I wrote some time back..
Time withered in the sand...
Looking at the hourglass,
I watch the sand trickle.
Sand,
it marks the beginning and the end.
The embodiment of life.
Eternity.
You said you will be there,
but you are nowhere to be found.
I have learnt not to trust, not anyone.
There's nothing left to say.
You can't get back each day.
I tried so hard,
but you tore me apart.
Now you feel my pain.
Yet you think you are not at blame.
You can never make up for the lonely nights
I spent crying in the dim light.
The feeling of losing someone you loved the most?
Makes you feel like a ghost.
For a long time, I've tried to make you proud.
But all you do is shout.
Just a title, nothing more,
We don't have any rapport.
Better this way than playing pretend,
This is the way I have come to contend.
Weirdly, I wanna thank you cos' you made me strong,
And I didn't turn out wrong.
Now I wanna shut the door.
Watch time wither in the sand.
I thought I was stronger. I thought I was smarter. There were several times I should have proceeded but I stopped. Am I just going through the motions of life lifeless? Wrapping myself up to not feel the hurt again? This is not how this should be.
And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many times you hang out with your girlfriends… You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. Sometimes you can even convince yourself that they’ll see the light and give you a break. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new, and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back, and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted; that will eventually fade.
Yet, there are loved ones, who won't let you go through the pain alone. They give you hope and make your existence worthwhile. It's amazing how they could pull me back from the edge. A sister and a love. I couldn't thank you enough.
Love will always come to those who still hope though they’ve been disappointed. Love comes to those who are strong enough to still believe though they’ve been betrayed. Love will come to those who still need it, though they’ve been hurt before. It comes to the one who have the courage and the faith to trust again.
It all comes down to this : BELIEVE
12:24 AM
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