Is it possible that a girl can be born unlovable, or does she just become that way?
Tomorrow I might go down to IJC to collect my testimonial. I still have not applied for any course yet. I dunno what I am waiting for. When I need advice, I don't seem to get it. Irony much? Anyway, I am just gonna try my luck at the local universities. If I don't get a degree course in all 3 universities, I guess I'll just go to NIE and do English or something. I seem to be living in disappointment now. It's one thing to know that you can't do what you've always wanted to do, and it's another thing to see the looks of disppointment, the hushed whispers of "What-nows?", the occassional outbursts of "Why didn't you...." and so many more that leave you with a bitter taste at the back of your mouth.
My results have been weighing me down the past week or so. Someone once told me, "When a door closes in your face, another opens." I hope this is true. I don't wanna lag behind in the keep-running-or-die race in Education and Career. I'm already a whole year behind my age group. Hopefully I can get through. I'm pissed about something and I'm just gonna let the words flow. If they don't make sense, too bad. Then again, That's your job.
An ultimatum.
Your way or Mine you demand.
Mine I say.
You're done for.
Makes sense?
Not at all.
I've had enough of this
disgusting power-play.
Why give me the choice now
when I don't need it?
It takes two hands to clap.
You insist on not
giving your hand.
You want everything Your way.
Then I don't want any
part of it.
I've had enough.
It's over.
Like shattered glass.
You can mend it, but
the ugly crack can still
be seen by all.
That's enough to ruin
the beauty of it.
Ranted it out.
Done.
Last Friday was my last day at work. Apparently, they have gotten a premanent replacement for Mariam. So I'm not needed as a relief teacher assistant till June. Now I'm bored at home. Without work, I'm stuck here, and forced to face the growing cracks which I tried so hard to ignore. I've been busy running around with Mother, buying baby clothes, blankets, and other stuff. The babies are adorable and I can't wait for them to grow just a little bit more. Then I can finally carry them. The younger twin has wrapped his tiny hands tightly around my heart, cos he was the first one to grab my finger in a tight grip at the hopital. (: The older twin is more quiet. Mother is besotted with both the babies and wants to adopt at least one till they are about 3 years old. Hahahaha. My cousin said it's alright by him, IF, Mother is willing to let him take my youngest sister in exchange. :P I hope my cousin gets a house soon. Then they wouldn;t have to live in that cramped room at Grandmother's place.
I gonna go up soon to see them in a while (: Nithiya and Gowri asked me to take a lot of pictures and show them. Unfortunately, Grandmother scolded me for taking so many pictures cos it's an Indian belief that the child's life-span reduces when you take pictures of it when it's still a new-born. :P Whatever it is, I'm in Love with them and I just Know I'm gonna spoil them silly. (: Obviously, I'm never gonna neglect my first nephew Rishikesh. He still is my little handsome one.
I miss Ramani akka's son Sashi Kiran ): I wanna go visit her. And, Rayvathy is expecting. I can't wait! Yeah, Gowri called me an old lady for being an aunt at this age. But I don't care. :P My nephews are adorable and I can't wait for a niece. Hahaha! I miss Mother's family, somehow. Wanna visit Ramalingam mama and see how he's doing after his knee operation, and wanna see how my cousin Gere is. I wanna visit Naps mama and his wife and kids. He's my favourite uncle and I miss him terribly. I called him after results and he told me not to worry. He said there's always something I can do. I wanna visit Jack periappa and family. Ranjetha's family is in Australia now. They've gone on a well-deserved holiday. Haven't hung out with them in Ages! It's time someone planned that M.P Family Day chalet soon! That way, we can all have fun since Mother's family is so huge. Ok ok I know, some are probably scoffing at the idea of a family get-together. I'm referring to those who know what kind of family I come from. You may not echo my sentiments, but hey, a girl can dream right?
*Deep breathe* This is the longest I've blogged in some time. I had to take everything off my mind. Well, shall blog again when I can, and when I'm in the mood. (: Take care all and those who are in school, have a great March break. (: Life goes on for the rest of us.
Much Love,
Vee
4:16 PM
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